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When Kelly Donahue decided to get serious about surfing as an outlet to reconnect with herself, it was in the middle of winter on the east coast. In her 5 millimeter wetsuit, hood, gloves, booties and vaseline spread over her face to prevent her skin from freezing, she made her way out to the beach break at Good Harbor Beach in Gloucester, Massachusetts.

This newfound commitment to surfing came after her daughter was born and in the middle of the pandemic. Searching for something more than her routine life in the suburbs, she sought out surfing as a way to reclaim parts of herself, build community and to simply have some carefree fun.

“I realized I wasn't living day-to-day like the person I knew I was,” Kelly said. “So I invited my best friend to go surfing in December during a New England winter, and that snowballed into me starting a company where I bring moms together who had never surfed before to surf in the snow.”

She launched Badass Moms as a way for women to learn to ask for what they want, make mistakes that aren’t automatically couched as failure and to prioritize having fun, amongst a long-running list of other benefits.

What unfolded was transformative, and nothing Kelly could’ve ever anticipated. She watched as her friends shed self-limiting beliefs and rediscovered joy in their lives. Her friends, new and old, would drive freshly snow plowed streets to the coast, where they would don the thickest wetsuits and plunge into frigid waters to tumble in the waves. The smiles and silliness that ensued was intoxicating, and kept people coming back week-to-week.

“People were terrified of so many things, like crabs biting their toes, sharks and even the waves themselves,” Kelly said. “We’d be out there on our foam boards with a bunch of other moms and quickly you’d see everyone laughing and falling over each other. A collective sigh of relief would happen when they’d realize they can let go of control and be taken care of – that was really important to me – for them to just show up so I could be there to take care of them.”

Surfing has been part of Kelly’s life since the beginning. As a teenager she would borrow gear to find a beach that offered the closest surfable spot near her hometown. After graduating college she moved to Manly Beach in northern Australia where she surfed almost daily, slowly integrating into the local surf community. When it was time to move back to the states, she brought home that same burning desire to surf while living in Boston.

It was not an easy hobby to have: she would commute at least 45 minutes to surf unpredictable beach breaks along the unruly east coast, and would carry her 7-foot board up a fifth floor walkup.

As time went by she married, relocated to the suburbs and had her daughter. But early on in the pandemic she had what could best be described as an existential crisis: she felt disconnected from the strength and athleticism of her body, lacked a community of female friends and missed surfing.

There was also an underlying worry of not existing in total harmony with her authentic self. So in addition to recommitting to surfing and letting go of the idea that moms are supposed to be so selfless that fun is rarely an option, she decided to come out publicly as queer on Instagram.

Many people in her close inner-circle already knew Kelly was bisexual, but sharing her story on social media felt like she was further freeing herself from the stigmas of suburban mom living.

“It’s easy to discredit the importance of your own voice but every story helps someone else feel seen, heard and safe,” Kelly said. “Me being a mom married to a guy, my voice as a bisexual mom in a queer relationship is important and I am always happy to be a friendly neighborhood queer mom.”

Kelly’s journey to being more publicly open with her story is driven partly by a desire to remind people that they don’t have to look or act in a certain way to be valued by their community. She also knew that to lead Badass Moms she needed to be brave and share her story so others might be empowered to live more authentically.

“I think Badass Moms created an experience where a lot of people were able to embrace the parts of themselves that maybe were important to them but not really publicly talked about to people in their lives,” Kelly said. “Every slice of you is important no matter how big or small a part of your life it is.”

As Kelly began reconnecting more deeply to herself, she realized the importance of her daughter witnessing this transformation.

“I think when a lot of us become moms we see the epitome of motherhood as selfless,” Kelly said. “But prioritizing asking for what you want and having fun is the way you show your kids how awesome it can be to be both an adult and parent.”

Kelly’s life has shifted dramatically since those winters spent surfing at Good Harbor Beach. Her family relocated to Santa Cruz last year and this will be her second Women on Waves.

Although Kelly never thought of surfing as a competitive sport, after competing for the first time last year she fell in love with the spirit of WOW, the vibrant community of water women and feeling the competitive edge in the water.

“I grew up playing sports and did a bunch of triathlons, an ultramarathon and was a D1 athlete in college,” Kelly said. “But surfing has always been this noncompetitive thing for me, where I’d be giggling and laughing in the water. WOW was an opportunity to have that positive support from my peers in the water while also being on the clock – getting to turn on that competitive part of myself was so fun.”

Badass Moms is a coaching company to help women, gender expansive people and moms to ask for what they want, have more fun and be the badass person they are.
Learn more at: badassmoms.com